What are you entitled to? Turns out, not much. And that's good!

Today Nat and I went on a walk and one of our first stops was the neighborhood Starbucks. outside, as there is far too often in LA, there was a mentally disturbed woman. (This post is not a commentary on homelessness or mental health, or at least the way that you might think, so read on) I had seen her there, on the bench outside before, yelling out at people as they crossed the street. Sometimes non sequiturs like, “The sun’s not out today” and other times profanity laced rants at nothing in particular. She was particularly quiet today except for the comment about the weather, but I noticed her because she was in her spot.

We were deep in our own conversation and went inside to pick up the mobile order we’d placed on the walk there. While we waited for them to pour hot water over the light roast beans for my coffee, that I accidentally ordered after 10am and took way too long, the lady came inside and pardoned herself to the counter in front of us and we continued to chat on.

When she left I said to Nat, “I see her here every time I come. Is she usually out there?”

Nat, who’s a multi time per day visitor to this establishment responded, “Yeah, she’s pretty much a regular. Sometimes she comes inside and yells at people. One day I kind of got into it with a guy who was telling the employees they needed to call the cops.”

“Why did he do that?” I asked, thinking she make have taken his seat or newspaper or harassed him.

She said, “I said ‘have a little compassion, she’s obviously not well and having a hard time.’ And he said he was entitled to peace and enjoyment and that he should not have to put up with that.”

“No he’s not!”, I instinctively and somewhat sarcastically replied.

She continued, “So I said ‘if you want peace come inside and sit.’ And he said no, he wanted to sit outside.”

So for the rest of our walk that kind of occupied a tiny portion of my brain power. When we got home I started thinking, how did we as a society get this chip on our shoulder called entitlement? This holier than thou complex that everything revolves around us. None of us is immune to it either. Not me, or you. No one. 


First, I wanted to be sure I knew the definition of the word “entitled” just to make sure that I was correct in my understanding. I find that starting there usually helps me formulate a better opinion.

From Google: entitled (adj.): believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.

So the definition says it all. He believed he was owed special treatment. Indeed he had paid for his coffee and was entitled to that, just like everyone else, but he had not paid for his peace and quiet that he claimed to be entitled to.

I know some people who would blame this on the next generation. You know the one that came after yours.

While others blame technology and a disconnected society.

I think it may actually be a lack of gratitude.

I have no idea what had gone wrong in this man’s day or in his life for that matter, but what I do know is that he could have handled himself much differently. Instead of storming the Starbucks baristas like a petulant child.

My generation (Gen X) came up with the wise idea that everyone of our kids “deserved” a participation trophy just for showing up. So those of us who don’t have kids blames Gen Y (aka millennials).

Baby boomers blamed my generation saying we were soft for some reason or other and their parents probably blamed them for being the first generation with the arrogance to give their generation a name.

So if this is your argument, then you’re not wrong, but also it’s YOUR fault…

Ok Karen?

Ok boomer?

And in some cases I have no doubt that we are right.

But in others, probably most, my opinion is we are dead wrong.

You might say, “it’s the technology… rabble rabble rabble”, I too am guilty of this, probably because of the multifaceted nature of it.

First, it has created a me first culture of “experts” with self-serving, “living my best life” accounts talking about things that would have never been shared on such a scale before. Can you tell me anything that has?

On one hand it’s good that the information and ideas are out there, but it can also create an overwhelming amount of data to consume causing people to just shut down.

Let me ask you, for all of the fitness accounts out there, have you seen a tangible difference in society’s obesity? For all the people doing impossibly contorted yoga poses, are you more inspired to get on the mat and practice the basics? The one area I find most helpful is in the kitchen, I’ve picked up a great cashew hummus recipe from my friend Mary (@paleochef), but maybe that’s just me.

Then there’s this little side effect. When the “expert” exhausts their experience they get called out for overstepping by someone more knowledgeable. Or worse they misinform people due to their lack in the knowledge department.

Ever heard “fake it ’til you make it”? Well, that’s it.

Finally, and this is the one that affects the even greater majority of us. Yes, even you boomer. The constant “nose-in-the-phone” posture that people have nowadays. The “I’m too busy” mindset is no longer only for the office and hiding behind a computer or pile of papers. Now your computer travels with you everywhere, even the bathroom. It’s not impossible for parents to be in the same room with kids and all be consuming something different. Is that what family time is now?

So if we can all have exactly what we want at all times it’s no wonder that this guy thought he was entitled to his peace and quiet… with a side of coffee.

It all boils down to gratitude really.

From our friends at Google again: gratitude (n.): the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Be Thankful!

Thankful that he has a life that affords him the opportunity to buy a coffee and sit outside on a random weekday and listen to anything, whether it be traffic, birds, or the mentally disturbed lady having a moment.

So when you catch yourself having a moment that lacks clarity but not entitlement, blaming others where there is no blame to pass and overreacting, check in with yourself and breathe. Expand that fraction of a second that lives between the action and your reaction.

You’ll be happier in the long run, and probably the short too!